The Stuff We Inherit…

The other day was my Aunt Janet’s birthday which naturally got me thinking about her. She died unexpectedly in January 2008 at the age of 73. (My own sweet mother, her younger sister, had died seven years earlier.) By the time of Janet’s death my two brothers and I were her closest blood relatives. One served as her executor. We flew in from California, Texas and North Carolina for the funeral and to try and start the process of divesting her full house of belongings.

Now you’re probably thinking: “Who the heck cares? This means nothing to me. Why am I reading this?”

True, you didn’t know my Aunt Janet, but someday you will be faced with your own Aunt Janet. This loved one will leave behind an enormous amount of belongings to deal with. And it will be an emotional and incredibly exhausting experience. You will cry. And laugh. And curse a little. You will toss things in “donate” bags and in the garbage. So many things. It will feel wrong, but you have no choice. You will save what you can but there is just too much.

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In the end I took only couple of mementos from my aunt’s estate–things that could easily fit in my suitcase or be mailed without great expense.

I took a brand new pair of her sneakers that were in my size. (Wore them for three years and always called them my “Aunt Janet sneakers.”) And a little travel cribbage game because she’d made a point of saying years earlier that she wanted to make sure one of “us kids” took when she died. I took a couple of her 1950s secretarial training books, three of my uncle’s 1950s fedoras and various pieces of jewelry.

And I ended up with her wedding album. One of those big heavy things many of us have. It’s been stored under my bed with my parents album all these years. And I had this moment yesterday on her birthday that I thought “Why am I storing this? It never gets looked at.”

So I’m taking out all the photos and tossing the album. I will keep some pics, give some to my brother and set aside others to sell. It seems a shame to dismantle it and yet it seems silly to keep storing it. I may even put a photo or two in a picture frame to display now and then. Seems better than gathering dust under my bed.

I rather like these two photos. I think my mom looks adorable in the one on the left, though my aunt looks like a deer in the headlights. My aunt and uncle look happy and relaxed in the one on the right.

But as I deal with these wedding photos it reminded me that slowly I have been letting go of more of the things I inherited from my aunt and uncle (and others). I sold two of my uncle’s hats keeping just my favorite black one. I sold some of my aunt’s books and gave some of her jewelry to my daughters.

There is a point in the grieving process that you realize you are ready to let go of more of their things. You know they aren’t adding any value or pleasure to your life. And you know that letting them go is not letting go of your memories or your love.

I will leave you with that thought.

Karen

P.S. Here’s a cute pic from my parents’ wedding album.